


Since We've No Place to Go

by tellsfromhale



Category: Phandom/The Fantastic Foursome (YouTube RPF)
Genre: Christmas, Domestic Fluff, Established Dan Howell/Phil Lester, Fluff, Light Angst, M/M, mentions of COVID-19 pandemic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-01
Updated: 2020-12-25
Packaged: 2021-03-10 05:26:42
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 25
Words: 14,840
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27818974
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/tellsfromhale/pseuds/tellsfromhale
Summary: Christmas 2020 is unlike any that's come before and (hopefully) any that will come after. Dan and Phil have to learn how to adjust to the year as it comes.Written for Advent 2020.
Relationships: Dan Howell/Phil Lester
Comments: 5
Kudos: 46





	1. Christmas Tree

**Author's Note:**

> This is going to be an Advent "calendar" with 25 chapters for each day leading up to Christmas. Each chapter will focus on Dan and Phil doing something Christmas-y. These were all written in advanced (mostly in November), so things will happen that will inevitably contradict these I'm sure (especially some that are weather based), but the point is the fluff anyway.
> 
> The "Light Angst" tag is because there are some references to the pandemic and that context plays an important role in the same way it is everyone's lives this year, but the focus is first and foremost pure and utter fluff.

It’s the first of December, and there is a folded up fake Christmas tree on the floor of their flat. Dan stared at it a moment, shocked that they’ve made it this far before lunch on the first of the month. He supposed it was easier after Phil had already decorated his filming area for Disney’s sake. The box of Christmas decorations had been taking up space in their living room for a couple weeks already, and they both needed this.

As much as Dan and Phil were both homebodies, quarantine was taking its toll, and this Christmas was sure to be unlike any other. Neither of them had any false hope about seeing their families for the rest of 2020, and Phil especially was taking it hard. That was enough to drive Dan to reach for the large metal rod that formed the middle of the tree.

“I always forget how strange it looks squished up like this,” Phil noted.

He waved around one of the tree branches around with a grin. It’s plastic needles were all pushed against the metal bar, and a few fluttered onto the floor as Phil whooshed it through the air.

“Careful,” Dan said with a smirk. “You’re going to take my eye out.”

Phil didn’t comment as he slid the branch into what was hopefully the correct hole for it. Dan was already prepared for something to not fit or for something to break. It was 2020, the world was on fire, and he was sure something would go wrong with this tree. But they kept at it anyway.

Once it was put together and its branches fluffed out to help it resemble a real tree. Dan couldn’t help but smile with satisfaction. So far so good, and it was the fun part.

Phil had already slid over the box of bobbles and snapped it open. Dan watched with fondness as Phil pulled out one of the first bobbles they’d ever bought together. The ornament had been through a lot over the years. Most of that particular set had cracked or even fully shattered since they’d bought them, but this was one that had held on.

Dan smiled as Phil slipped it onto a branch, muttering a curse word to himself when it got caught on the plastic needles. He took a step back to stand at Dan’s side once it was in place.

“One down. What? Like, fifty left?” he asked Dan, who only hummed.

“It’ll be worth it though,” he said, reaching past Phil to pick up a bobble himself.

It was newer, bought at a later date once too many of their others had broken. The fact that it didn’t match only made him fonder of the tree really, a reminder of how many Christmases he and Phil had spent together. Their tree was no longer one coordinating set of bobbles that they bought on a whim once they realized they needed them. No, it was several mismatched sets of bobbles all bought on whims when they realized they needed more. It was a difference that Dan was ridiculously proud of.

Whether it made for an attractive tree or not… Well, that was up for debate.


	2. Christmas Jumpers

Another waft of the familiar scent hit Phil’s nose—the smell of a jumper that had sat in a box for nearly a year. Just like every year in the past, he thought that perhaps he should have washed it before putting it on, but he always got so excited when he first pulled it out. How could he have waited for it to be washed and dried?

Besides, the smell quickly faded from his thoughts as he watched Dan drape a garland across their fireplace. Phil couldn’t help the joyous giggle that erupted from his lips once it was in place. Putting up the tree yesterday had been enough for them to call it a day, but Phil was almost thankful that they’d left the rest of the decorating for later. It was like prolonging the excitement.

Dan turned to him with a fond grin before stepping back to join him in admiring the sight. It was only the second room they’d tackled, but there wasn’t much for the rest of the flat anyway. Just like every year, Phil was tempted to buy a boatload of decorations and cover the flat in them, but he would resist. Their flat was full enough of their junk, no need to add more things that would only be out for part of the year.

Phil turned to Dan, taking a handful of his boyfriend’s jumper. Dan let himself be pulled in easily, one eyebrow raised as he looked at Phil.

“No one should be able to look this hot in a Christmas jumper,” Phil said, giving the garment a tug for emphasis.

Dan shook his head with fondness and wrapped his arms around Phil’s middle.

“I think it’s safe to say that you’re the only one who would find this ridiculous thing attractive.”

Phil hummed, feeling quite warm and content with Dan pressed against him and fairy lights strung around the place. Even if said fairy lights were currently turned off, knowing they were there was enough.

“You’re warm and cozy,” Phile said. “That’s what everyone needs around Christmas.”

Holding back a laugh, Dan bit at his lip. Phil pressed a kiss to his dimple, only for Dan to pull him back in immediately and press one to his lips.

He really was warm, and it really was what Phil needed at that moment. The call he’d had with Martyn earlier in the day had weighed on his mind before they’d started decorating. The Christmas season already felt different knowing they’d be spending it alone in their flat.

But everything would be okay if he had Dan like this, locked up in their own Christmas haven.


	3. Hot Chocolate and Cuddles

Dan readjusted, somehow pressing himself further into Phil’s side as he went. During the heat of summer, he could sometimes forget how much he missed moments like these that only came during the colder months.

There were two blankets thrown over their laps, ensuring as little of them as possible was exposed to the cold air of the room. One of Dan’s hands was wrapped in the sleeve of his jumper while the other cupped a mug of hot chocolate. Even the one measly marshmallow in the cup—a result of the marshmallow shortage caused, as always, by Phil’s insatiable sweet tooth—wasn’t enough to bring him down.

It was quiet except for the TV, which was playing a Christmas movie that Dan was only half paying attention to. It was a romance, one that was so forgettable that they might have watched it before and just didn’t remember it. Though it was cute enough, it was predictable, and Dan’s attention kept shifting to Phil instead. He fiddled with the sleeve of his boyfriend’s jumper, smirking when his actions pulled Phil’s attention away from the TV as well.

He tightened the arm he had around Dan and pressed a quick kiss to his curls. Dan tilted his head where it was resting on Phil’s shoulder and offered him a smile before kissing his jaw.

“How are you feeling?” he asked.

Craning his neck awkwardly, Dan could just barely see the confused wrinkle in Phil’s brow.

“Feeling about what?” he asked Dan, who pulled away far enough that they could properly look at each other.

He shrugged and took a sip of his hot chocolate before he answered.

“I know you keep thinking about your family,” he said softly. “And I know it’s going to be hard for you, not going to see them this year.”

Neither of them had seen any of their relatives since spring. Even Dan couldn’t help but feel sad about it, and he had never been as eager to see his family as Phil always was. The frown that had begun to line Phil’s face at all times was a testament to just how much it was getting to him.

“There’s nothing we can do,” Phil said with a shrug.

Dan sighed. The fact that Phil wasn’t whining about it only meant that he truly was affected by the distance. The several holiday movies they’d worked through that day probably weren’t helping, filled as they were with happy family scenes.

“Maybe not,” Dan said, bending over to place his hot chocolate on the coffee table.

He gently took Phil’s mug from him and sat it beside his. Both of his arms wound around Phil’s waist, and Phil accepted it easily, holding him close.

“If we can’t see them,” Dan said, “we should use it as an excuse to go overboard this year in the ways that we can, yeah? I mean really gung ho. We’ll make this the Christmasiest Christmas to ever Christmas.”

Phil laughed, his frown completely disappearing for the first time that day.

“Sounds like a plan,” he said before leaning in to capture Dan’s lips with his own.


	4. Christmas Cards

Phil tossed down his pen with a groan and shook his hand vigorously. It didn’t completely get rid of the ache, but his hand was cramping slightly less than before.

“How many have you got through?”

Phil turned from where he was hunched over the dining room table to find Dan watching him from behind his laptop with the smallest of grins on his lips. With a sigh, Phil turned back to his work station. The stack of cards he’d finished did look impressive until he glanced at the larger stack of untouched cards beside it.

“I don’t know,” he said in answer to Dan’s question. “But my hand is rebelling. I don’t know if I’ve written this much since university. There are muscles in my hand that I forgot existed.”

He ignored the ache and reached for another card. Behind him, Dan sat his laptop aside and strided towards him. Phil watched him reach for a finished card just as he finished signing his name on a new one. He added it to the stack and tilted his head up to look at Dan as he read the short note that Phil had written for Louise.

“Nothing makes you realize how many friends you actually have like sending them all Christmas cards I suppose,” Dan mused as he placed Louise’s card back on the stack.

“Just wait,” Phil said, pressing the fingers of his left hand hard into the palm of his right to keep it from curling into a fist involuntarily. “You still have to do all of this too. I can’t wait for you to feel this pain for yourself.”

Dan snorted but didn’t bother with making an innuendo despite the opening.

“Remind me why we’re doing this again?” he asked instead, casting a distrustful glance at the stacks of cards.

“It was your idea that we go all out with Christmas this year,” Phil reminded him, aiming a sharp poke to his side that sent Dan squirming and swatting at his hand. “How could we go all out without Christmas cards?”

One of Dan’s hands gripped the back of his chair.

“It’s just so...adult,” he mused, watching Phil scrawl across another card.

“You’re thirty next year,” Phil reminded him, unable to keep the grin off his face as he said it.

Dan let out an undignified sound that was probably meant to be a protest and shoved at Phil’s shoulder. Phil shouted as he stared down at the dark black line that now decorated the card meant for one of Phil’s friends back home. He reached for Dan, but his boyfriend was faster, dashing for the stairs with a laugh.

Phil shook his head but followed after him. The Christmas cards could always wait until later.


	5. First Snow

Dan sighed as he stared at the open document on his laptop. Editing his book was feeling like a particularly hard task that day. There was just something in the air that made him feel lazy. It probably didn’t help that he was slumped on the couch with his laptop on his lap instead of sitting at his desk like a productive person would be.

Phil had disappeared into a different part of the flat more than an hour before, and Dan was about to let himself give in to distraction when his boyfriend flew into the room like a whirlwind.

“It’s snowing!” Phil declared, his eyes comically wide.

Before Dan could ask for more details, Phil reached for his arm and tugged him towards the balcony, with Dan having just barely managed to put his laptop safely down before he was whisked away.

“How much snow are we talking about exactly?” Dan managed to ask as they hurried up the stairs and thankfully managed not to slip in the rush.

“See for yourself!” Phil declared, gesturing at the sliding glass door that led outside.

Sure enough, there was snow fluttering down onto their balcony, but it was little more than flurries. Just a little less and Dan wouldn’t have even deemed it the first snow of the year. It was melting as quickly as it fell, coating every surface in moisture.

It was what Dan should have expected from the first snow, yet Phil’s excitement had had him picturing just a bit more than what he got.

Phil slid open the door and stepped onto the balcony.

“Phil!” Dan shouted. “You’re in pyjamas and socks!”

If Phil heard him, then he ignored the warning. He was full on giggling as he tilted his face up towards the snow. Dan rolled his eyes but couldn’t rein in the fond smile on his lips. He followed Phil out onto the balcony despite being in sweats himself. At least he had on a hoodie and slippers.

There were already goosebumps along Phil’s arms. Dan wrapped his own around Phil’s waist, and Phil sunk into the embrace. Dan felt him shiver against him, yet his smile hadn’t dimmed. Dan shook his head and placed a kiss on the closest spot of Phil’s neck that he could reach.

“You idiot,” he muttered fondly.

But despite the ‘judgement,’ he stood there for ten minutes more, providing Phil with whatever warmth he could.


	6. Christmas Shopping

Phil kept glancing at Dan’s face more than he did the computer screen. Ostensibly, they were joint Christmas shopping for both their families, but once they’d finished with the Lesters, Dan had gone silent and more thoughtful as he flipped between websites and products, cursor occasionally hovering over the “buy” button of a particular product before he decided against it and clicked off the page.

Though he’d tried to provide some input, Phil had begun to focus more on comforting Dan than anything else. He’d snaked his arms around Dan’s waist, and Dan had shifted his weight until he was pressed into Phil’s side. The online shopping was the first thing they’d done after breakfast that day, yet he felt tired.

It wasn’t even the first time they had jointly bought the Howells presents. That honour belonged to last year. Dan had been no less nervous then, but they’d also been doing their shopping at an actual shop where his indecision had somehow been more discrete.

“I never know what to get Mum,” Dan muttered.

Those were the first words he’d spoken in the past fifteen minutes as he flipped through a couple of jewelry websites and another dedicated to home goods. Phil hummed, knowing that no advice he could scrounge up would be useful. A lack of options wasn't the problem.

Dan had struggled with shopping for his family the entire time Phil had known him, but it had never stressed him out so much before. In the early years of knowing each other, Phil had been shocked that Dan could buy gifts for his family without giving the gifts themselves much thought. But things had changed in the past couple of years. When both his and Phil’s names would be on it, Dan actually did need for the gifts to mean something.

Phil hadn’t asked him to explain it; he was pretty sure that he got it.

“She liked that necklace we got her last year,” he said softly, feeling like that was most appropriate for some reason.

Dan frowned at the throw pillows he was examining. They came in ten different colours, and Dan cycled through the different photos quickly, making a flashing rainbow.

“She claimed she did,” he muttered without looking away from the screen.

Phil pressed a kiss to his temple.

“I think she really did,” he said. “She wore it the rest of the day, and she was wearing it that one time we were able to see her before all of this too.”

He motioned through the air in an adequate illustration of what ‘this’ meant. Dan sighed and tilted his head back to rest against the sofa. He finally turned to Phil with a ghost of a smile. It was enough to make Phil smile back.

“Maybe,” he allowed.

Phil tried to press himself closer even though they were already pressed together just to see the laptop screen.

“We should call your grandmother,” Phil whispered as if they were conspiring on something together and couldn’t be overheard. “Maybe she’ll have some ideas.”

There was a glint in Dan’s eye. It was clearly something he had never considered, but he was intrigued by the idea.

“Isn’t that cheating?” he asked, but his smile was no longer a ghost.

Phil waved a dismissive hand through the air.

“Definitely not. It’s just using all of your resources.”

He leaned forward and picked Dan’s phone up from the coffee table, holding it out to him. Dan took it, weighing it in his hands for a moment before he opened his contacts and pressed his grandmother's name, Phil watching him with a soft smile.


	7. Christmas Carols

Dan thought he was imagining it at first. He’d been deep in his game—with the sound effects and music blasting into his ears through his headphones—so he hadn’t even heard the music start on the other floor of the flat. But then he’d reached a calmer point in the game, and the sound being pumped into his ears had been quiet enough that he realized that he could hear sounds that weren’t coming from the game too.

He slipped his headphones down around his shoulders and turned his ear towards the door, which Dan had left open a crack. There was definitely music playing. It took a second longer for Dan to confirm that he was hearing Christmas carols and that Phil was singing along.

Dan laughed to himself. He should have been surprised that it hadn’t happened sooner. Neither of them had mentioned turning on Christmas music back when they’d been decorating. They weren’t the types to blast them every day of December, but there did always come a time where one of them—usually Phil—would turn something on when they felt particularly in the spirit.

The idea of Phil singing along to the music had captured Dan’s attention too much for him to return to his game. He paused it, knowing full well that he probably should have saved and closed it instead since he was likely to be distracted for a while.

That would take too much time though, and when he emerged into the living room to find Phil in front of the lit up tree swaying to “Rockin’ Around the Christmas Tree,” Dan was thankful he hadn’t wasted any time in finding his boyfriend once he realized what was happening.

He joined in before Phil noticed his presence, making his boyfriend jump with a squeal and erupt into giggles.

“Don’t do that!” Phil protested, but his complaints quickly stopped when Dan took his hand and began to dance with him in front of the tree. Kind of. Dan wasn’t sure if the strange movements they were both doing technically counted as dancing, but neither of them cared as they laughed and shouted the lyrics alongside each other.

They made it through several more songs before “Silent Night” started playing. Dan collapsed onto the sofa and tugged Phil down with him, huffing when he landed on his chest. For a few moments, they didn’t speak as they caught their breath. Dan was sweating slightly, but he didn’t push Phil away to let himself cool off. It was December; they had to hoard whatever warmth they could get anyway.

“What brought that on?” Dan asked once his breathing had mostly returned to normal.

Phil repositioned himself at Dan’s side, sitting up so they could better look at each other as they talked. He shrugged, the movement jostling Dan due to their proximity.

“I don’t know. I just realized that I hadn’t listened to anything Christmas-y this year, and I wanted to.”

“As good a reason as any,” Dan said with a decisive nod.

Phil laughed as he began swaying along to the final chorus of “Silent Night” with a small, content smile on his lips and Dan’s eyes on his face.


	8. Norman the Christmas Fish

Phil laughed with pure joy as he took a step back, accidentally backing into Dan as he went. His boyfriend’s hands shot to his waist to steady him. Phil craned his neck back to look at him, patting one of Dan’s hands when he noticed his pout.

“It doesn’t match the rest of the decor,” Dan pointed out, his eyes still on the smiling Santa that Phil had plunked into the tank beside a plant-covered log.

“But it’s Christmas,” Phil countered in the same way he’d been doing all day.

He couldn’t believe it hadn’t occurred to him earlier. They’d strung a garland around the edge of Norman’s tank while decorating the apartment, but he hadn’t thought to actually put anything inside the tank. Not until he’d been getting in his daily Norman viewing and was suddenly struck by the realization that someone somewhere must sell Christmas decorations for fish tanks.

“How much even was that thing?” Dan muttered, but Phil ignored him.

They both knew that they had already spent far more on decorating Norman’s tank than Phil had spent on the Santa, snow-covered house, and candy cane that now resided alongside the more aesthetic decor. The price wasn’t Dan’s actual problem with the set up.

“It’s Christmas,” Phil repeated. “And it’s festive. Don’t worry. On December 26th, you can take them out immediately and have the naturalistic tank of your dreams, but isn’t this fun for a couple of weeks? How is it different from the tree in our living room or the wreath on our door?”

It wasn’t, and they both knew it. Dan’s eye roll and shake of his head only confirmed it.

Phil pressed a kiss to his cheek with a smile, patting his arm one last time before he pulled away.

“If anything, you should be thankful that it’s just this,” Phil said. “If I could have, you’d better believe Norman would have a Santa hat and everything.”

Dan snorted, his gaze following Phil as he moved to the other side of the room.

“Please tell me that you didn’t actually search to see if those were a thing.”

“Of course not,” Phil said, though the tone of his voice wasn’t fooling either of them. “It’s obvious that you could never get a Santa hat on a betta fish, isn’t it?”

“To most people, yes.”

Phil turned to look back at Dan, his eyes crinkling at the edges out of fondness.

“It would be amazing though,” he said. “Norman would look incredible in a Santa hat.”

Dan hummed and tilted his head to the side.

“I guess red does kind of go with the green of the tank.”

“Exactly!” Phil said, gesticulating wildly as he flopped down onto the chair that had become his prime Norman viewing spot. He leaned back and admired his hard work.

Norman himself wasn’t concerned with the new items in his tank, but it was still early. He probably hadn’t realized that the snow-covered house was a new hiding spot yet. Phil couldn’t wait to snap a picture of him peeking out the door.

Dan shook his head and laughed before joining Phil in their usual Norman viewing positions.

“I can’t believe this,” he muttered to himself, laughing one last time when Phil shushed him.


	9. A Special Delivery

Dan hovered by the front door, his eyes glancing towards the area of the house where he knew Phil was every thirty seconds or so. After a decade, he should have been better prepared, but he hadn’t even thought about how to sneak Phil’s Christmas present past him until he’d panicked at the sight of the email saying that it would be delivered that day.

He scanned the room, wondering if there was a place to hide the present there. It was probably one of the safer places. It was tempting to try their bedroom—stuff it in his dresser drawer or something—but that would mean carrying the box right past Phil, and he didn’t want to risk it. The more he could do to minimize temptation, the better.

It wasn’t like Dan didn’t have hiding places. He’d hidden presents from Phil before, and he’d hidden even more sweets. But most of those hiding places had been found over the years, and he wasn’t sure yet what exact size the box would be. He certainly wouldn’t have time to open it without Phil walking in.

Considering they weren’t leaving the house, Dan hadn’t worked out when he was going to wrap it without being seen either, but that was a problem for another day. He’d take it one step at a time.

He glanced back at his laptop. When he’d gone downstairs, he’d given Phil some excuse about wanting a quieter place to work. It was an excellent excuse because it was both something that he actually did and something that meant Phil wouldn’t bother him. But Dan hadn’t got anything done; he just couldn’t focus.

Phil would leave him alone while he worked, but he would also hear the doorbell. And whether he came right down or not, he’d casually ask who’d been at the door later. Usually, Dan could lie just fine when it was for a greater cause, but they didn’t exactly have many people coming around. He’d have to tell the truth about it being a package despite not having a package to show.

Dan rubbed at his eyes and wondered why he hadn’t just bought Phil some kind of digital present or something. It would have been so much easier.

But also so much more boring.

The doorbell rang, and Dan shot up. Slipping a mask on quickly, he opened the door to find a package at his feet and a postman a safe distance away.

The entire exchange was finished in record time, neither of them eager to hang around. Dan closed the door quietly behind him.

There’d been no sign of Phil yet, but he could have heard the exchange Dan had had with the postman and would appear now that the man was gone. In a split second decision, Dan pulled the sofa away from the wall just far enough to slide the box behind it. He listened as it slid all the way to the floor. Good thing it wasn’t breakable (as far as he could remember).

He stepped back. You couldn’t tell that the sofa was slightly forward. Phil would never notice, and the sofa was low enough to the ground that you couldn’t see where the gift rested on the floor. Dan smiled with satisfaction as he retook his spot on the sofa at the same moment that there were footsteps on the stairs.

“Was that a package?” Phil asked as he appeared.

Dan realized that he’d never taken his mask off and did so, tossing it onto the table.

“Uh, yeah,” he said, still not sure where this particular lie was about to take him.

Phil scanned the room, not seeing any boxes.

“What was it?” he asked once he realized that Dan wasn’t going to offer the information.

Dan shrugged and gave Phil a soft smile that he hoped was convincing.

“Some book stuff from the publisher.”

Phil looked at Dan oddly, not that Dan could blame him. He had no idea what ‘book stuff’ might have come that he wasn’t showing Phil, but Phil seemed to think better of pushing him further. He probably knew, but as long as he wasn’t saying anything, Dan wouldn’t either.

“Are you still working?” Phil asked instead, coming to sit beside Dan and glance at the computer screen that had gone black while Dan got the package. Phil snorted. “Does that mean ‘no’?”

Dan let out a faux exasperated huff.

“I guess,” he said. “For now.”


	10. Hiding Places

There was a present for Phil hidden somewhere in the flat. Phil knew that much, but he had no idea where it was. It was exciting, but it also posed a bit of a conundrum. 

Dan’s own present had arrived later than expected, and Phil had very little time before his boyfriend would be back from his daily walk. He had to find a place to hide the package before then, but what if he accidentally stumbled on his own present in the process?

Part of him liked the possibility of discovering it. The little kid in him who would sneakily search for his presents around the house had never completely died. He’d never purposefully search for them as an adult, but if he did happen to find one… He still wouldn’t look, he told himself. Of course he wouldn’t. It would be tempting, but he wouldn’t do it.

That was why it was better not to test his self-control. As long as he didn’t know where the present was, he couldn’t sneak a peek or even shake the box for hints.

He entered their bedroom and glanced around. The only safe place he knew of was his own stuff since there was no way Dan would have hidden something from Phil amidst Phil’s own belongings. Surely.

Phil opened a few drawers, debating if they were good enough before deciding they weren’t. He opened them too frequently, and Dan would think it was odd if Phil suddenly refused to change when he was in the room. There was too good of a chance that Phil would move one T-shirt to the side and expose the gift long before he’d been able to wrap it.

He tugged open the bottom drawer where his shorts and other summer clothes had been shoved away for the winter. It was the best bet, even if it was obvious. Dan wouldn’t have the same temptation to go searching for a gift that Phil had, so it probably didn’t matter if it was in the likeliest spot.

Taking out a whole stack of shorts, Phil pushed the gift as far into the corner as he could manage. He rearranged the shorts. They bulged awkwardly—a huge hint that something was beneath them—but Phil decided it didn’t matter. Neither of them would be opening that drawer anyway.

He was just sliding the drawer shut when he heard Dan shouting at him from the front door. He bounded to him as quickly as was safe with his socked feet and found Dan waiting for him with a small smile, his hair a little messy from the wind outside.

Phil kissed him in greeting before pulling away to let Dan tug off his coat.

“How was the walk?” He shifted his weight, conscious of how he was standing. The last thing he wanted was to appear suspicious.

“Good. A little chilly.”

Phil hummed in acknowledgement. Dan paused in the process of hanging up his coat. He raised an eyebrow as he turned to Phil.

“What did you do while I was gone?” he asked.

Phil froze a second before his brain caught up enough to tell him to do something. He shrugged.

“Not much,” he replied.

Dan nodded but kept looking at him oddly for a moment before he slipped his shoes off. He knew. He had read Phil like a book when it should have been easy for Phil to pretend that not much had happened while he was gone. It would have been perfectly believable if he’d spent the entire time Dan was on his walk staring at Norman. It’s what he’d done while waiting for the package to come.

Even though they both knew the other knew, Dan didn’t say anything as he stepped towards Phil and pressed another kiss to his lips.

“That’s nice,” he said as he pulled away. “It’s nice to know that you were as boring as always.”

Phil gasped and lunged for Dan, but Dan was quicker, hurrying past Phil and up the stairs before Phil could catch him.


	11. Christmas Games

A loud sigh broke the silence in the living room.

“Phil,” Dan said without glancing up from his laptop, “if you don’t stop making that noise, I’m going to duct tape your mouth shut.”

Phil didn’t take the threat seriously as he stood up from where he’d been sitting and threw himself next to Dan on the sofa instead. He was right up in Dan’s personal space, and Dan let out a sigh of his own as he sat his computer aside and actually looked at the box Phil was holding. 

It was a game that he’d never seen before.

“What’s wrong?” he asked, this time with a hint of genuine concern. “And what’s that?”

“A game,” Phil said unnecessarily, waving the box in Dan’s face.

“Did you buy a new game when we’re stuck here by ourselves?”

Phil’s frown deepened, and he sighed yet again.

“I just miss game nights, and the game sounded fun. And now that it’s here, it looks even more fun, but it’s for at least three people. Do you think Norman would play with us?”

Despite the situation, Dan grinned and pressed a kiss to Phil’s cheek.

“Depends. What exactly does this game entail?”

“It’s a card game. Each card is a Christmas gift, but some are good and some are bad. You have to try to regift the bad ones to each other but keep the good ones.”

He handed the box over to Dan to let him inspect it. It did look interesting and would have undoubtedly been a lot of fun any other year when they had other people to play it with.

“Unfortunately,” he told Phil, “I don’t think Norman understands much about gift giving.”

“Darn,” Phil said with a smirk. “I was hoping he’d get me something good this year. Guess I’ll have to return his present. It’s not fair if it’s one-sided.”

Dan gasped and pressed a hand over his heart.

“How dare you threaten to take away our son’s present! Everyone knows that you can’t expect a child to buy a present until they’ve at least got a job of their own. Do you want him to sell his tank to buy you some trinket?”

“Of course not,” Phil said, turning to look at Norman’s tank with apologetic eyes. “I’m sorry, Norman. Of course you’ll still get your Christmas present.”

While Phil was apologizing to the fish, Dan took a closer look at the game.

“Maybe we could modify it for two players,” he said, inspecting the box with a crease between his eyebrows. “It wouldn’t be exactly the same, but it’s not like we haven’t done that before. It’s better than nothing, right?”

Phil smiled and brushed a stray curl away from Dan’s eyes.

“Yeah, it’s always fun to beat you, even if it’s not exactly the right rules.”

Dan stuttered for a moment before recovering enough to shove Phil’s shoulder. All he got in return was Phil’s laughter.

“That’s it, Lester. We’re playing this game, and I will annihilate you. You’re going to have so many shitty Christmas presents that you won’t know what to do with them.”

“That’d be great for you, wouldn’t it?” Phil asked, his back on Dan as they headed for the dining table. He could imagine the look on Dan’s face despite not actually seeing it. “Me getting a bunch of junk I don’t need. The stuff piling up in our apartment because I refuse to get rid of it. You’ll love it.”

Dan paused in his footsteps. Phil reached the table and pulled out a chair, glancing back to find Dan watching him with a look that was somehow both exasperated and fond. It was a look that also happened to be one of Phil’s favourites. He smirked as he dropped into the chair.

“Maybe I should let you win then,” Dan muttered. “This could be an educational game on how to let go of stuff.”

“I can let go of stuff just fine, Howell. Now sit down so I can prove it.”

Dan laughed as he pulled out the chair across from Phil. Despite the competition in the air and the fact that there was no way they could play this game how it was actually meant to be played, Phil couldn’t think of another way he would want to spend that moment.


	12. Christmas Videos

Phil huffed as he threw himself onto the sofa beside Dan, almost knocking his boyfriend’s laptop off his lap in the process. Dan grabbed it at the last second and raised an eyebrow at Phil.

“What’s up?” he asked, returning the pressure of Phil leaning into his side.

“I’m trying to think of a good idea for a Christmas video, but… I have nothing.”

He dropped his head onto Dan’s shoulder and soaked in his warmth. His heavy jumper wasn’t enough to abate the chill of the apartment air, but Dan was as warm as always. Phil wrapped his arms around Dan’s waist, enveloping himself in the warmth as best as he could.

Dan laughed at the dramatic show of affection and sat his laptop aside to wrap his own arms around Phil as well. He pressed his face into Phil’s hair, and Phil felt him breathe in his scent. Despite his frustration moments ago, Phil couldn’t help but smile.

“Give me an idea,” he demanded, poking Dan in the side.

“Oi!” Dan shouted, grabbing at his finger and using the opportunity to link their hands together. “What have I done to deserve such abuse? I’m not a walking video idea dispenser. At the very least, I deserve some kind of compensation if you’re going to profit off my ideas.”

Phil tilted his head back and gave Dan the best puppy dog eyes he could manage.

“My cuteness isn’t enough of a reward?”

Dan gave him a soft smile and a peck on the lips.

“Unfortunately, it isn’t enough to stir up any ideas in me. Don’t think anything I’d come up with would be suitable for AmazingPhil anyway.”

Phil gave a dramatic sigh and pressed his face into the crook of Dan’s neck.

He hadn’t actually expected Dan to offer him any ideas. His head hadn’t been focused on Youtube for a while and was currently inundated with thoughts on the final proofread of his book. Once this version was handed in to his editor, Dan wouldn’t be able to change anything before publication, and the stress was getting to him far more than Phil’s lack of ideas was bothering Phil.

He squeezed his arms tighter around Dan in a show of comfort, but at times, Phil just needed to complain too.

“Sometimes they come so easily,” Phil said, though he’d said the exact same thing to Dan a million times before. “They’ll pop into my head fully formed. Other times, there’s nothing there no matter how hard I try to squeeze something out.”

“It’s like that for everyone.” Dan pressed a kiss to the top of Phil’s head. “My brain’s so fried that I couldn’t come up with an idea myself right now. Good thing this book is so close to being finished.”

He narrowed his eyes at his laptop, a gesture which Phil could sense even though he couldn’t see it on account of still having his face pressed against Dan. He laughed softly, earning more laughter from Dan.

“Maybe we should trade,” he said. “You brainstorm ideas for me, and I’ll look over your book and tell you everything you need to change.”

Dan scoffed.

“You sure about that? Doesn’t sound like an even trade to me.”

“Hey!” Phil protested, pulling away to look at Dan’s smiling face. He tried to ignore the way his stomach fluttered. “Who could be better qualified to look at your book than a former English language major?”

Dan shook his head fondly.

“I meant that it would unfairly be a lot more work for you than for me and that you would probably help me a lot more than I’d help you. You’d read the whole book and probably find stuff I’ve missed. Meanwhile, I’ll just hand you a list of shit ideas that, in the end, you won’t use.”

Phil scowled and poked his finger into Dan’s dimple.

“You and I both know that you’d never seriously suggest an idea that was shit.”

Dan raised an eyebrow like he’d taken that as a challenge.

“Let’s try then,” he said. “You want this to be a Christmas video?”

Phil nodded.

“How about: AmazingPhil tries Christmas caroling?”

“For who?” Phil asked. “Am I going to carol out on the balcony for the pigeons?”

“Don’t think anyone would hate more Steve content to be honest,” Dan muttered with a smirk and a shrug of his shoulders.

“You’re not wrong.” Phil tapped at his chin. “It’s at least more of an idea than I had before.”

Dan gave him a cheesy, exaggerated grin.

“That’s what I’m here for.”

Phil leaned in and pressed an exaggerated kiss to Dan’s cheek, earning a pretend, “Ugh,” in return.

“And you thought your ideas would be shit,” Phil said, patting at Dan’s chest.

Dan cocked his head to the side.

“Pretty sure you’re just going to use your own ideas to save what was initially my shit idea, Phil.”

Phil shook his head, a grin on his lips as he stood up. He’d go back to the other room so that the two of them could at least pretend like they were getting a lot of work done. Maybe Phil actually would.

“It was still because of you, Dan. I’ll be giving you credit when the video goes up.”

“I can’t wait,” Dan replied dryly.

It was the last thing Phil heard as he left the room.


	13. Eggnog

If there was a better aspect of winter than cuddling with Phil under a warm blanket, then Dan didn’t know what it was. He snuggled in as close as he could to Phil and pressed his nose, cold from the chilly air outside their nest, into the warmth of Phil’s jumper. Phil reciprocated by tightening the arm he had wrapped around Dan.

A second later, though, he jabbed at Dan’s side with his finger, earning a squeal from the younger man. Dan swatted at Phil with his hands without sparing a thought for the mostly full glass Phil was holding, and Phil quickly raised the glass up high and away from them to avoid Dan’s jostling. They both froze, convinced that the liquid inside would slosh over the side and hit them.

It didn’t, and they both simultaneously let out sighs of relief.

“You need to drink at least a little more of it,” Phil said, motioning at Dan’s still full glass that sat on the coffee table in front of them.

Dan scowled at the offending drink and dropped his head onto Phil’s chest dramatically.

“Why did we agree that eggnog was a good idea? The idea of it sounded horrendous before we made it, and it’s even worse now that I’ve tasted it. In what world would us trying a drink with raw eggs in it be a good idea?”

“The one where we decided that this year would be the year for trying new things because we can’t have all our normal Christmas traditions,” Phil recited dutifully, using the same phrases that he’d repeated countless times since they’d started making the eggnog.

“Yeah, yeah,” Dan chanted, turning his face into Phil’s jumper to hide his smile. “I get all that, but why eggnog? Even most Americans apparently don’t like this shit. Are we fucking fools, Phil? We could have spent that time making some kind of fancy hot chocolate or something. Or our own mulled wine. That would have been cultured.”

Phil took another sip of his eggnog to prove some kind of ridiculous point. Dan pulled away from him just far enough to watch his facial expressions, which Phil struggled to keep neutral as the drink hit his tongue.

“We did put a lot of rum in it,” Phil finally said once he’d dutifully swallowed. “At least there’s rum.”

Dan hummed and nodded along rapidly in faux enthusiasm.

“Yes, the rum pairs quite nicely with the raw egg. It’s refreshing.”

Phil rolled his eyes, but his carefully placed glass didn’t conceal the smile on his lips.

“Fine,” he allowed with a deep, exaggerated sigh. “We’re never making eggnog again, but we have it now, Dan, so try to at least drink one glass. We can pour the rest down the drain later.”

Dan huffed but obediently strained towards the coffee table to get his glass without leaving Phil’s warmth. He snuggled back in as quickly as he could, the cold glass of eggnog in his hands. Really, who had thought to make a cold drink a Christmas staple?

“Should I be concerned that the idea of pouring a drink down the drain gives me such joy?” Dan asked as he raised his glass to his lips.

He took a sip and shuttered. Whoever eggnog was meant for, it wasn’t him. Phil watched his reaction with sparkling eyes.

“No,” he said. “I’m right there with you.”


	14. Christmas Movies

Phil couldn’t help but smile at the warm scene playing out on the TV. He’d seen the movie at least ten times, yet it never bored him. There was something about the warm, festive spirit that always made him feel cozy and loved himself.

It helped, he supposed, that he was cuddled up with Dan under their fluffiest blanket. That definitely helped solidify the feeling of warmth even more than the movie that was playing. Phil turned to look at Dan for the first time in a while. He’d been engrossed in the movie, but once he was looking at Dan again, he couldn’t look away.

He knew the movie like the back of his hand anyway; he didn’t need to actually watch the screen if he could hear it. Of course, he knew Dan even better than he knew the movie, yet the other man was still more interesting. There was the slightest of smiles on Dan’s lips as he watched the movie, and if he’d noticed that Phil was looking at him, he didn’t let on.

Without thinking much about it, Phil rested his elbow on the back of the sofa and began playing with Dan’s curls. Dan let out a little huff at the sudden touch, and his smile grew, but he didn’t take his eyes off the TV. Phil took that as an invitation to continue, so he buried his fingers deeper in Dan’s hair, marveling at the way the curls sprung back whenever he let go of them. He couldn’t believe that Dan had hidden them away for so long.

Eventually, Dan shifted, and Phil froze, worried for a moment that he was going to pull away. Instead, he tugged Phil a little closer and turned his head to look at him, his newly messy curls drooping over his forehead. He sighed as he pushed them away from his eyes. Phil gave him his best and brightest smile of innocence.

“I don’t want to imagine how much damage I’d find if I looked in a mirror right now,” Dan muttered, his eyes almost rolling back in their sockets in his attempt to see his own hair.

Despite the words, he was smiling. Phil reached out and brushed the curls back himself, keeping his hand in them to keep them from bothering Dan.

“It’s just the two of us,” Phil reminded him. “Your curls can be as free as they want.”

Dan snorted and pulled Phil’s hand away so that he could press a kiss to his knuckles instead.

“You shouldn’t do that,” he said. “They’ll start thinking that they can do whatever they want whenever they want. I’ll have to start straightening them again to keep them under control.”

It was only a joke, but Phil frowned.

“That would be a travesty,” he said. A second later, he had to rush to add, “Not that you’re not still extremely fit with straight hair.”

Dan only snorted and shook his head in fondness.

Phil readjusted himself so that he wasn’t facing Dan directly. Instead, their sides were pressed against each other as Phil leaned part of his weight on Dan. It was comforting having the presence of the other right there. Dan linked their arms together, still holding onto Phil’s hand in his lap.

With a content sigh, Phil dropped his head onto Dan’s shoulder and turned his attention back to the TV, a smile on his lips.


	15. Upcoming New Year's Resolutions

Dan chewed on his lip as he stared at the notepad in his hand. He began tapping his pencil against the paper, feeling out a rhythm that came to him subconsciously. The bullet point with nothing next to it stared back at him mockingly.

“What are you doing?”

Dan paused his tapping and glanced up to find Phil standing in the doorway to the living room, one hip pressed against the doorframe as he watched Dan with a small smile.

“Thinking about New Year’s resolutions,” Dan admitted with a sigh. “But I don’t know what to tell myself I’m going to do and then give up on within a month.”

Phil grew thoughtful as he came to join Dan on the sofa, sitting down so he was practically on top of him. He joined Dan in staring at the paper that was blank aside from the one bullet point.

“Do you need a resolution?” he asked. “You already have a book coming out. That’s huge, and you know that you’ll spend the first half of the year promoting it.”

Dan nodded slowly and started biting his lip again.

“I know. It’s just…”

He trailed off, trying to decide how to put his thoughts into words. It shouldn’t have been hard. He was pretty sure that Phil already had an idea of what it was he wanted to say. All Dan needed to do was officially put it out there to confirm what Phil was thinking.

“2020 was supposed to be my first proper year out of the closet, yeah?” he said.

Phil nodded. His hand found Dan’s knee, squeezing as Dan continued talking.

“I had all this stuff I wanted to do until 2020 actually happened and all my plans canceled or postponed. Maybe I can’t rewind and live the year over again the way I wish I could’ve. I know that things aren’t going to magically go back to normal on January 1st either, but I want to plan something to kind of make up for the mess that was my 2020 plans, you know?”

“I do,” Phil said, leaning in to press a kiss to Dan’s cheek. “It makes sense.”

They both looked down at the notepad.

“Maybe you should start with the obvious,” Phil said. “Write down the book promo stuff that you have to do anyway. Fill up the list some. Then adding more to it will feel less intimidating.”

Dan only considered the advice for a split second before he took it, trusting Phil enough to at least give it a try. He scribbled down every book-related obligation he could think of off the top of his head, and lo and behold, it worked. He felt more at peace seeing that he already had some plans for 2021. The empty bullet point he added to the end of the list didn’t mock him like the first one had had minutes before despite him not having come up with something new.

He grabbed a fistful of Phil’s jumper to pull him in for a quick kiss.

“Thank you.”

Phil gave his knee another squeeze.

“Of course.”


	16. Mistletoe

Phil had walked through the doorway ten times since he woke up that morning. He blinked up at the top of the doorframe and wondered if _it_ had been there the whole time. Was he that oblivious? If so, then in his defense, people didn’t tend to assume that random new Christmas decorations would be hanging around their house when they’d finished decorating two weeks earlier.

“Dan,” he called down the hall.

His boyfriend appeared as if his name had magically plopped him down in front of Phil. He’d known it was there then. Of course he had. Who else could have hung it up unless they had a particularly friendly ghost who was hoping to get a kiss out of one of them? Phil sure hoped it had been Dan. He wasn’t too keen on any ghosts having a crush on him. Or Dan for that matter.

“Yeah,” Dan said, smiling at him with just a hint of sheepishness.

He glanced quickly upward, revealing that he was completely aware of what was there. Phil almost wanted to laugh, but he tried—and failed—to keep his face and voice neutral, like he was merely commenting on something they’d see every day.

“Is that mistletoe?”

Phil pointed at the plant in question with one eyebrow raised. He could tell from where he was standing that it was plastic, but the berries were unmistakably white, not red like holly.

Dan made a show of looking at the fake plant closely for far too long, humming as he did so.

“It does definitely look like mistletoe,” he finally said. “But it’s hard to be sure. I’ve really only seen it in movies before.”

“Really?” Phil asked, tilting his head to one side. He wished—yet didn’t at the same time—that he could control the smile that was already on his lips. “You’re telling me that you’ve never seen mistletoe before this exact moment? Not even this very specific mistletoe?”

Dan shrugged, his eyes still on the mistletoe instead of Phil.

“I’d assume most of it looks the same. If I had seen some mistletoe, how could I know for sure that it was this specific mistletoe?”

Phil didn’t answer. He was too busy watching Dan as he tried, and increasingly failed, to keep his attention focused on the mistletoe. Slowly, Phil took a step forward and placed his hand on Dan’s arm. Dan turned to face him, his brown eyes sparkling.

“So,” Phil said slowly, coming even closer, “if that’s mistletoe, then we should…”

He trailed off, earning a smirk from Dan.

“Punch each other?” he suggested, and out of retaliation, Phil did just that, laughing when Dan made a dramatic show of being hurt despite Phil hardly touching him.

Phil cut off his whining with a kiss. It was chaste at first before deepening, but it stayed slow and comforting, never growing hot or heavy as they stood under the ridiculous plastic mistletoe.

When they finally pulled apart, Phil tilted his head back to look at the mistletoe again.

“I can’t believe you bought that,” he said, motioning at it vaguely with his hand.

Dan’s smile was blinding.

“Best decision ever,” he muttered.

He leaned in to kiss Phil again, but Phil was quicker, jumping back a step before Dan’s lips reached his.

“Nuh uh,” he said, waving a finger in Dan’s face and giggling when Dan went cross-eyed trying to follow it. “Only one kiss under the mistletoe.”

Dan pretended to be scandalized even as his eyes sparkled and he bit back a smile.

“Those aren’t the official rules!”

“You sure?” Phil asked.

Dan gaped at him, unable to come up with an answer. It wasn’t like either of them had bothered to research proper mistletoe etiquette. If that was even a thing that existed.

“If you want another kiss, I guess you’ll need a new hiding spot,” Phil said with a shrug.

As he walked away, he couldn’t help but smile at the sputtering he heard from behind him.


	17. Snowball Fight

Dan couldn’t help but smile at Phil as he danced around their balcony in the accumulating snow. His cheeks, ears, and nose were bright red from the cold. He had, at least, put on his coat and gloves before coming outside, but he hadn’t bothered with a scarf or hat, and Dan knew it would take a while before either of them were truly warm again, but it was worth it.

It was the first time of the year that London had gotten enough snow for it to accumulate. Phil had been hopeful at the first sign of flurries, and Dan had been watching him all day as he grew more and more excited. The snow was nice and all, but the pure joy on Phil’s face when he realized that it wasn’t going to disappear as soon as it hit the ground was far more than nice.

For a few minutes, Dan stood right outside the door and watched Phil frolicking around as if he’d never seen snow before. It was a sight that Dan could have watched forever, but that wouldn’t do. It was the first real snow of the year after all, and he wanted to have some fun of his own.

He smirked as he bent over and gathered a handful of snow in his hands. It wasn’t the right consistency for a good snowball. It was a bit too powdery and eager to crumble out of Dan’s hands, but he would make due. Phil was distracted. It was an opportunity Dan couldn’t pass up.

Raising his hand with the snowball, he aimed right for the back of Phil’s head. Hee was a little too far away, and the powdery snowball lost half its mass before it made contact, but it was enough to make Phil splutter and whirl around to face Dan, who hunched over and laughed at the expression on Phil’s face.

Phil tried to cover his own laughter with pretend anger as he bent over to gather some snow of his own.

“Revenge!” he shouted, lifting his hand full of snow that he hadn’t even attempted to form into a proper ball.

Dan gave a shout and ran, ducking behind one of the larger plants out on the balcony. Not that his attempt at hiding deterred Phil, who tossed his snow straight at the plant and followed it up with a second handful right after. Dan rushed to gather ammunition of his own, but he was careful to form actual balls before throwing them.

While Phil occasionally got Dan with a shower of snow, Dan’s attempts made more forceful impacts.

Phil gave a shout as one hit him in the shoulder.

“Not fair! How are you doing that? Mine fall apart!”

Dan laughed. It had only been a couple minutes, and he felt warmer than he had just standing outside despite his gloves and jacket being coated in snow.

“You have to stop long enough to pack the snow together, Phil.”

He used the time that Phil was distracted trying to make an actual ball to run for another hiding place behind one of the balcony chairs, but he didn’t make it in time. Instead of another snowball, Phil’s hand grabbed a fistful of his coat. Dan squealed as Phil released a shower of snow over his head.

He shook his body, trying to free as much of the snow from his hair and face as possible, but he only succeeded in getting more of it down his coat and even his jumper.

“Truce! Truce!” he shouted, wigging around as if he could get the snow that had already melted off his skin.

Phil laughed and dropped the snow that he’d been about to attack with. He tugged Dan close, and despite the layers of coats between them and the water that was dripping down Dan’s back, he felt even warmer than before. He tilted his head back to look at Phil. His face was flushed a deep red, but Dan wasn’t sure if it was from the cold or the physical exertion of the snowball fight.

“Hot chocolate?” he asked.

Phil raised an eyebrow for a second before laughing at the sudden request. He took one last glance around the snow-covered balcony before he nodded.

“Hot chocolate sounds good,” he agreed.


	18. Sledding

Phil wasn’t sure how he’d ended up in the park, but he was happy to be there. They had been going outside during the pandemic somewhat of course, including to the park closest to their flat, but the trip to this new-to-them park was different.

They were rather far from the center of London, and whether it was that or the snow on the ground or the pandemic, there was no one else in sight. Phil wasn’t sure how Dan had found the park, but it had snow-covered hills the perfect size for using the sled that Dan was clutching in his hands.

Phil couldn’t stop glancing at the sled in question. Dan’s explanation that he’d ordered it online didn’t explain how he’d hid it in the flat before pulling it out that morning and telling Phil that they were going to some park he’d looked up online.

“I can’t remember the last time I went sledding,” Phil admitted.

It wasn’t one of the activities he craved doing every winter, but it was something he remembered fondly whenever he happened to be reminded of it. Having arrived at the park with specific plans to do it, he was downright excited.

“Me either,” Dan said. “I forgot about the climbing the hill part.”

He eyed the nearest hill distrustfully. During quarantine, they had both let their exercise routines slip. They were doing better than they had been at most other points in time, but it wasn’t their best. It was understandable considering what was happening in the world, but it did mean that repeatedly walking up the hill wouldn’t be the funnest part of their day.

“At least we’re giants,” Phil said, patting Dan on the back. “It would feel even bigger if we were kids.”

Dan shook his head, a fond smile on his lips.

“You’re right, but if we were both kids, we would fit on the sled together better.”

Phil glanced down at the sled that now sat on the snow. He hadn’t considered that. There was only one sled of course, and he hadn’t stopped to wonder if they were taking turns or going together.

He knew what the smarter option was, but it was also far less appealing.

“We could do it,” he said, earning himself a smirk from Dan. “We could!” he continued before Dan could speak. “Half the fun of sledding is falling off the sled anyway. We have to go together.”

Dan shook his head in exasperation, but he didn’t protest. Instead, he motioned towards the top of the hill.

“Lead the way then, Lester. I’ll be behind you.”

An hour later, covered in snow, they’d both agree that going together hadn’t been the smartest idea, but it had been the best one.


	19. Steve and Scraggy

Dan glanced up from his laptop, a small smile forming when he caught sight of Phil through the glass. He was carefully filling the bird feeder with the cereal he had bought. It was as plain as cereal could get, not particularly noteworthy to any human who’d grown up on the stuff, which was great as neither of them were mourning its loss to the birds. But Phil was convinced that Steve and Scraggy would love it, and apparently, they needed extra food during the winter, especially before Christmas.

Though Dan hadn’t indulged in the same hour-long Google search, he guessed that Phil was probably right. Pigeon food surely didn’t become scarce in London during the winter in the same way it did for birds who survived off nothing but insects or something, but it couldn’t be easy keeping yourself warm outdoors during December. Dan shivered at the idea, thankful that he wasn’t currently a pigeon. Not that he would have wanted to be one in the summer either.

Even from inside, Dan could tell that the bird feeder was overflowing by the time Phil had finished pouring the box in it. There was a large smile on his boyfriend’s face as he came back inside the flat. Dan chuckled to himself, shaking his head as Phil deposited the empty cereal box on the coffee table and flopped down next to him on the sofa.

“I hope they like it,” he said with his eyes on the bird feeder that was still as pigeonless as it had been when he’d walked inside.

“They’re pigeons,” Dan said. “They’ll love anything, and Corn Flakes are probably bird heaven.”

Phil hummed.

“Just wish I could give them something more festive,” he said with a shrug.

Dan shook his head and tugged on the sleeve of Phil’s hoodie until he had properly snuggled into his side. Dan was tempted to wrap the blanket around their legs and fall into the warmth of Phil’s embrace even though it would mean doing nothing else for the rest of the day. It was only three in the afternoon, and his to do list wouldn’t allow it.

“They’re pigeons,” Dan repeated, stressing the words to hopefully get through to Phil. “I’m sure they’d love a good piece of cake or something, but you wouldn’t be doing them any favours.”

“They could eat popcorn or something. I bet they’d love that!”

Dan frowned. They probably would, and it wasn’t a bad idea. The Corn Flakes were already corn after all. Was there a difference?

“Then why didn’t you give them some of that? We have plenty.”

Phil shook his head.

“All the popcorn we have is salted. I thought about buying some plain popcorn just for Steve and Scraggy, but then I went with the cornflakes. I’m kind of regretting it.”

His gaze was on the still bird feeder despite there not being a bird in sight, his lips stuck out in a pout as he considered his possible mistake. Dan couldn’t help but smile. He pressed a kiss to Phil’s cheek, succeeding in smoothing out the frown line in his forehead.

“Who says you can’t give them Corn Flakes today and popcorn tomorrow?”

Phil’s eyes lit up.

“Who is?” he repeated, laughing a little with the words. “I think I might. Or maybe I can save the popcorn to give them a treat on actual Christmas day.”

The warmth inside Dan somehow managed to grow, and he pressed himself closer to Phil, more eager than ever to throw the blanket over their laps.

“Brilliant plan,” he said.

Before Phil responded, he cupped one of Phil’s cheeks with his hand and turned it to press a kiss to his lips.


	20. Christmas Cookies

Phil let out a laugh that could only be described as containing pure joy when he glanced at Dan and saw the streak of flour that had somehow wound up on his cheek.

“You’ve got something,” he said. The softness in his voice was a far cry from the loud joking tone he’d been using less than a minute earlier.

He reached up intending to wipe the flour away, but all he succeeded in doing was smearing it around as if Dan had put flour-coloured makeup on his cheeks. The way Dan leaned into the touch made it worth it though.

“Did you get it?” Dan asked, only half paying attention as he focused on stirring the ingredients together into a dough.

“Not really,” Phil admitted, earning a snort from Dan but nothing more.

The dough was growing thicker, forcing Dan to exert more effort to keep stirring. At some point, they really should have invested in an electric mixer. Even if they would rarely use it, Phil supposed they’d use it enough over time to justify the purchase. Lord knew that he’d made much more questionable purchases.

“Want some help?” Phil asked, reaching for the bowl.

Dan twirled away, clutching the bowl to his chest.

“No, no. I’m almost finished.”

And he was. Only a few seconds later, he sat the bowl on the counter, and Phil couldn’t deny that it looked perfectly mixed. The dough also looked delicious. Even knowing that there were raw eggs inside, Phil was tempted to scoop some up on his finger and eat it.

Dan was a step ahead of him as always and snatched the bowl back up.

“I’m not nursing you through salmonella this close to Christmas, Phil. This dough is for cookies.”

“People only get salmonella like…” Phil wracked his brain for a plausible number. “...one in a thousand times of eating cookie dough.”

Dan turned to him slowly, bowl still clutched to his chest and one eyebrow raised impressively high.

“Even if that’s true, which I doubt, you would be that one in a thousand case, and you know it,” he declared. “Now, help me put these on a baking sheet.”

Phil pouted, but he got the baking sheet and scooped out small little cookies next to Dan. At least, he swore they were small.

“Phil,” Dan whined not too long into the process. “They’re going to get bigger as they cook, remember?”

Despite the fact that he was supposedly scolding Phil, his voice was fond enough that Phil had to laugh. To his eye, it looked like the cookies had an entire Grand Canyon’s worth of space between them. He looked at Dan’s for comparison and realized that they consisted of about half the amount of cookie dough as Phil’s, but it wasn’t like Dan had more experience at this than Phil did.

“Maybe I like big cookies,” Phil said petulantly.

Dan laughed before he was able to rein it in.

“Yeah, well, that’s good because I think you’re going to end up with one giant cookie.”

“All the better,” Phil said.

Though he did try to make the rest of his cookies the same size as Dan’s, he left his first ones the same. He had to admit to being curious about how they’d turned out. There was a chance that his first attempts would be the perfect size, and then he could gloat. It was a nice idea, and he was still smiling about it as Dan slid the baking sheet into the oven.

They both admired the baking cookies for a moment before Dan turned to Phil, a soft smile on his lips.

“Stop it,” he muttered as he pressed his face into the crook of Phil’s neck to hide his smile.

“Stop what?” Phil shot back despite knowing exactly what Dan was talking about.

“Thinking about your stupid giant cookies. They’re going to be shit, Phil.”

“Will not!” Phil gripped Dan tighter, not letting him pull away. Not that Dan had made any attempts to do so. “If anything, I’ll get a giant cookie, and it’ll be glorious.”

He could feel Dan’s eye roll despite his face still being pressed against Phil’s neck.

“Whatever. We have ten minutes to wait.”

Ten minutes. Surely they couldn’t get that much bigger in ten minutes. Right?


	21. Special Delivery

It was less than a week before Christmas, so Dan knew the promised packages full of Christmas presents would be arriving any day. That didn’t stop the rush of excitement he felt when the box showed up outside their door postmarked from up north.

“Should we open it?” he asked Phil as they eyed the box that they’d placed right inside their front door.

Phil gasped, clutching a dramatic hand to his chest.

“Of course we should! Mum said they’re wrapped inside just like proper Christmas presents should be. They have to go under the tree! We can’t just leave them in this plain cardboard box.”

Dan smiled and shook his head.

“Yeah, but can I trust you not to rattle them around or lift a corner of the wrapping paper before Christmas?”

It was nothing more than a joke. They both knew that ripping the wrapping paper off presents was a step too far even for Phil, who typically lacked any kind of self-control. Phil didn’t acknowledge the joke other than to start rummaging around in a drawer for some scissors to cut through the tape on the shipping box.

“We’re opening it,” he declared, and Dan didn’t argue as he watched Phil cut the box open.

He cheered in delight when the presents came into view, each of them covered in paper printed with Christmas designs. Phil pulled them out and stacked them beside the box in two piles—one for each of them.

Dan’s heart tightened when he noticed that his pile was the same size as Phil’s. It had been like that for years, and it wasn’t like either pile was huge. They each had three presents each once Phil had unpacked the box, and Dan didn’t expect them to be expensive or anything like that, yet there was something about seeing presents from the Lesters specifically for him that still made him emotional. He never quite understood how Phil’s family had so easily accepted him into the fold.

“Come on,” Phil said, dumping Dan’s presents in his arms. “Go put them under the tree.”

Dan let out a dramatic sigh but did as instructed, Phil following him with his own presents. The new gifts joined the presents already there: what Dan and Phil had bought each other as well as presents from other family and friends that had already arrived. It was a full looking tree, and Dan took a moment to appreciate how many people had thought of them during their Christmas shopping. Somehow, after a year of hardly seeing anyone, it was easier to see how many people cared about him on Christmas than Dan usually could.

He took a step back as Phil finished arranging his presents in a haphazard stack that was sure to topple over by the end of the day. Once he was satisfied, he stood beside Dan, his hand finding the small of Dan’s back. They admired the tree. It wasn’t lit considering it was the early afternoon, but it was gorgeous anyway. Dan wrapped his arms around Phil and leaned into him, not taking his eyes off the sight.

“Just four more days,” Phil muttered before pressing a kiss to Dan’s temple.

Dan hummed in agreement, a small smile on his lips.


	22. Gingerbread House

Phil let out a cry as the roof of the gingerbread house caved in. Dan swore next to him and scrambled to grab the walls that were tumbling down on top of the roof. His effort was rewarded with a coat of frosting for his hands. Phil couldn’t help but laugh at the sight. Dan pouted at him, but the spark of amusement in his eyes told Phil that he was far from mad.

“Gingerbread houses,” Dan muttered as he made a show of scrapping the frosting off with a spoon. “That’s what two incompetent guys like us should be doing: gingerbread houses.”

Phil laughed as he tried his best to stand the walls back up.

It was true that their house looked like a complete disaster. Everything had fallen so many times that the walls and roof were coated in a mostly unintentional layer of frosting, but Phil chose to think of it as intentional paint for the house. The decorations they’d been trying to add were also mostly covered in the frosting they’d been using as an adhesive, and only half of them were still where they’d been originally placed.

“At least it’ll be delicious,” Phil said, sticking a frosting covered thumb in his mouth to lick it clean.

Dan raised an eyebrow at him.

“You better wash your hands before you touch this house again.”

Phil countered with an eyebrow raise of his own.

“Why? The only people who are going to be eating this are me and you, and we’re well past being infected with each other’s germs.”

Dan opened his mouth to reply but decided against it, shaking this head with a smile as he added even more frosting to the edge of a wall, hoping that this time it would be enough to keep it standing.

“There must be some great secret to this that we haven’t unlocked,” he mused, as he let go of the wall. 

His hands hovered for a few moments, ready to catch it if it fell again, but for the moment, it remained standing. Neither of them trusted it, but there was nothing else they could do but keep trying to finish it.

The gingerbread house had sounded like a great idea, but Phil was getting a bit tired of the constant building and rebuilding as things toppled over. All he really wanted was to eat it, but presently, eating it would be little more than eating six pieces of gingerbread smeared with frosting and other sweets.

Still, it all tasted the same…

Phil eyed Dan before shoving a marshmallow into his mouth. He thought he’d been sneaky about it, but Dan’s gaze shot to him the second the marshmallow was in his mouth. Phil stayed still, refusing to even chew despite his cheek being puffed out from the marshmallow.

Dan tried to keep a straight face for a full second before he let out a huff of laughter and shook his head.

“Fuck it,” he said. “Let’s just eat the damn house, Phil.”

He went so far as to break off a piece from the roof, and Phil almost shouted in indignation before he remembered that that was exactly what he had been hoping for seconds before. He tore off his own piece and tapped it against Dan’s before they both took a bite.

It was...underwhelming. Which wasn’t to say that it wasn’t good. It was. It tasted exactly like all the gingerbread Phil had tasted throughout his life, and none of that had taken as much work before he could eat it.

Dan laughed at his expression, pressing a kiss to his cheek before he’d even swallowed his mouthful.

“Maybe next time we could try gingerbread people or something. That should be easier,” he said, rubbing Phil on the back and offering him another of the marshmallows.


	23. Christmas Dinner

Phil rubbed at his forehead as he stared at the various food options on the supermarket website. He and Dan had usually ordered their groceries long before the pandemic, but he’d been especially grateful for the service since the spring. That was particularly true now that they were attempting to buy an entire Christmas dinner for themselves.

“I never realized how much food you have to make,” he said, awe in his voice as he scrolled through the options and compared them to what his mum had always cooked.

Dan hummed in agreement.

“Yeah, I know we said we’d go all out, Phil, but there are only two of us. Maybe we should dial it back? I don’t know if we have the culinary ability to even cook it all anyway. And how do you make all of it at the same time? Wouldn’t it go cold before you finished the last dish?”

Phil didn’t understand any of it either, and he agreed that they would likely fail in a number of ways. But the idea of not having a full Christmas dinner like the ones he was used to still made him pout. It was such an important part of Christmas, and in a year when so many of his usual traditions had been lost, he felt absurdly attached to the meal he’d been eating once a year for as long as he could remember.

But Dan was right. If they cooked everything, they’d never get through the leftovers before things started going bad. There was probably a way to scale down the recipes they found, but Phil wasn’t that confident about doing it.

“What should we cook then?” Phil asked, dreading cutting absolutely any of the dishes even the ones he didn’t typically enjoy as much.

Dan frowned and reached for one of Phil’s hands, sensing that this was difficult for him during a time that was already emotionally charged.

“I don’t think we should have a bird,” he said quietly. “Not only do I not trust us to cook a full one without burning this place to the ground, but that’s a lot of food for two people.”

Phil’s stomach sunk as he realized Dan was right. The side dishes they could at least attempt to cook less of, but a whole bird just wasn’t doable no matter how much Phil wanted to have it. He nodded along as he made a few clicks so that the screen was taken up by the meat options. They could easily do something smaller for a main dish. The idea of it made him sigh because it didn’t feel the same, but in the end, it was one of the smaller sacrifices they were making that year. He’d survive.

“What do you think?” he asked Dan.

He turned to his boyfriend to see him watching him with a small sad smile on his face. Without answering, he leaned forward and pressed a kiss to Phil’s cheek.

“Whatever you want is fine,” he said as he snuggled himself close and rested his head on Phil’s shoulder.

Despite still feeling upset, Phil couldn’t help but smile as he added one of the options to the cart. Perhaps his family wouldn’t be there, and they wouldn’t have a bird. But at least Dan was still there. As long as he had that, he could put up with the other things.


	24. Christmas Presents

“I’m still not sure about this,” Dan said, eyeing Phil as he moved closer to the precarious stacks of presents under the tree.

“Why not?” Phil whined.

Dan half expected him to start stomping his foot like a toddler throwing a tantrum, and he couldn’t help but smile at his imagination of it. It was enough to make him want to keep resisting just to see how far he could push Phil.

“We started opening our presents early back when we were still splitting up and going to see our own families for Christmas. It’s different when we’re going to be together all day tomorrow.”

Phil threw himself onto the sofa and, more importantly, Dan’s lap. Dan’s arms instinctually reached out to grab him and hold him in place, as if he might go tumbling right off the side if Dan didn’t cling on.

“But we did it last year when we went to see both of our families together, and we did it before that when you were with my family for part of the holiday.”

“Well, yeah,” Dan said with a shrug. He struggled to keep his face neutral even though Phil knew that he was mostly protesting to be difficult and not out of any real commitment to breaking their tradition. “But in both of those cases we were with other people on Christmas day. It made sense that we gave each other our presents in private, but tomorrow it’ll be just the two of us all day. Except the Zoom call.”

“This is not the year to be breaking traditions that we can actually keep, Dan! We have to open them before Christmas day!”

Dan looked down at Phil, who was still laying in his lap and peering up at Dan with a pout. The angle made him look funny in the best possible way, and Dan knew that he looked worse from Phil’s perspective. It was a testament to how comfortable they were with each other that Dan absolutely could not care less.

He broke his facade and burst into laughter. His whole body shook, jostling Phil until he sat up, removing himself from Dan’s lap. He couldn’t keep up his pout either and wound up following Dan into laughter. He stood and picked up the present that had Dan’s name scrawled across it in Phil’s familiar handwriting.

The wrapping job was acceptable, if not perfect, which was better than Dan could have said in past years.

“So, presents?” Phil asked, holding out the present to Dan as if it was a tantalizing treat being dangled in front of a dog.

Dan smirked and took the offered gift.

“Obviously,” he said with a roll of his eyes.

He stood to get Phil’s present, laughing and whacking at Phil’s hands as he tried to grab him.


	25. Family

Phil sighed as his family disappeared from the computer screen. The smile he’d had during the entire Zoom call was still there as if frozen in place. While they’d been speaking over the computer and phone the entire year, it had been particularly nice to see their faces on Christmas. Phil was happy even if he was also sad that none of their Christmas celebrations had been in person.

The warmth at his side grew warmer as Dan fully glomped himself to Phil’s side. Phil leaned into the embrace, his gaze still on the computer screen despite there not being anything there anymore.

“That was nice,” Dan said quietly, the words coming out a bit wrong because his cheek was pressed into Phil’s shoulder.

“Yeah…”

Phil’s smile slowly lessened as his brain caught up with the fact that everyone was gone. It was just him and Dan now. Well, in a way it had just been them all along, but now it especially was. Even months into quarantine, Phil felt all sorts of confused about it. He loved being with Dan, and it was genuinely nice to have so much interrupted time with him. But he also missed his family. And all of those emotions at once had been getting overwhelming with more frequency as the situation dragged on.

He struggled to put just part of what he was thinking into words.

“Sometimes, I think I’m forgetting that everyone else is still living their lives out there. I know a lot has happened this year really, but it’s easy to feel like only the two of us exist sometimes. My brain just assumes that life paused for everyone else, but it hasn’t. All this stuff is happening, and we’re not really there for any of it.”

Dan’s hand found his thigh and provided a grounding weight that Phil hadn’t realized he’d needed in the moment. His own hand reached for Dan’s hair, tangling his fingers in it and willing everything else to go away.

“Have I told you I love you today?” Dan asked, and despite everything, Phil smiled and his heart skipped a beat.

“I think so, but I’ll never turn down hearing it again.”

He’s smile turned into a smirk as Dan shifted to look up at him, his own eyes soft and warm. 

“I love you, Phil Lester, and if I had to be stuck with just one person for Christmas, I’d always choose you.”

Phil couldn’t possibly resist leaning down to kiss him. Dan responded with enthusiasm, and it was a long moment before Phil could find it in himself to pull away and say, “Same.”

Dan let out a loud scoff and pushed at Phil’s chest.

“I give you this whole romantic thing, and all you have is ‘same’?”

Phil tightened his arms around Dan’s waist, laughing as his boyfriend half-heartedly tried to escape his grip.

“I love you, Dan,” he said in his cheesiest voice possible. “And being here with you is the only thing that has made this Christmas joyful. Thank you so much. I love you.”

“Okay! Okay!” Dan protested.

He’d started pushing Phil’s face away from him instead of trying to escape, but he laughed as Phil put on a show of trying to kiss his cheek. It took mere seconds before he gave in and scrunched up his face as Phil gave him a dramatic kiss. They smiled widely at each other as Phil pulled away, but their playfulness quickly softened into something far more sincere.

“Next year we’ll see them,” Dan promised quietly, and though there was no way Dan could actually guarantee that, it made Phil feel better.

He leaned in again—without all of the dramatics of his last attempt—and kissed Dan softly. Dan leaned into the kiss, pliant in Phil’s arms.

All in all, Phil could never say that it was the worst Christmas he’d ever had.


End file.
